PINK-A-ZOID!
A Pinky And The Brain Fanfic
Michael K. Neylon
mneylon@engin.umich.edu
March 1996
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[Pinky & the Brain opening theme]
[Cut to shot of cage. Brain is off to one side, wearing a face shield,
using a soldering iron on some unseen device. Other tools are close by.
Pinky is sitting on another side of the cage, flipping through a comic
book.]
[Brain stops soldering, and lifts the face shield.]
BRAIN: [ecstatic] YES! I've completed it!
PINKY: [getting up and walking to Brain] What is it this time? A toaster
that never burns your toast? A clothes dryer that *never* losses that
one sock? POIT!
BRAIN: [ponders for a moment] Hmm, those are worthwhile suggestions, Pinky,
but this device is *much* more important than those. Today, I give
you, [steps aside] the first mouse-sized computer!
[The device in question is a monitor, keyboard, and CPU unit that is
approximately in the right proportions for either of the two. It sits
upon a small desk (again, appropriately sized), and in front of the desk
sits an orthopedic chair (the type that you have to kneel on and with no
back). A few quick 'gleem' flashes appear on the computer. Pinky
immediately begins to look over the computer]
PINKY: [faking being impressed] Oooooo, it's so ... so ... um, small?
BRAIN: [ignoring Pinky's comment] Using advanced microcircuitry, and with
a 250 MHz Penticle chip, 4 gigabyte hard drive, 64 megs of memory,
and advanced video support, it is the most advanced computer on the
planet!
PINKY: [has an idea] Oooo....can I ... [zips off to one part of the cage,
then returns with a small box in his hand] ...play 'Doom' on it?! NARF!
BRAIN: [raising an eyebrow] Actually it can, but tonight, I have better
plans for it.
PINKY: Gee, Brain, what are we going to do tonight?
BRAIN: Same thing we do every night, Pinky....[Evil Grin (TM)] Try to
take over the world!
PINKY: [scratching his head] With a computer?
BRAIN: Even you would be surprised at how much more a computer can do
besides playing games.
PINKY: [disbelieving] You mean there's more to a computer than just
game playing? Noooooo...
BRAIN: [grabs Pinky's nose] Be quiet and listen! [releasing the nose]
Everyone in the U.S. today is connected to the Internet somehow or
other. Thus, to take advantage of this, I have developed a web site
that contains a special computer virus. Anyone visiting that site
will automatically download the virus onto their computer.
PINKY: [interrupting] Zounds, a nation of sick computers...There better
be a good computer doctor around, Brain!
[Brain fwaps Pinky]
BRAIN: [annoyed] No, that's the whole point! The virus will render any
affected computer unusable until the virus is removed. However, I've
made the virus so unstoppable that only I [pulls out a disk] have the
tools necessary to remove it. With the complete shutdown of the
U.S.' computer network, the government and corporations will practically
*give* me the world for this disk. In fact, I'll settle for nothing
less than the Presidency of the United States. And do you know what
happens after I become President, Pinky?
PINKY: Um...you'll get involved in a sex scandal and you'll be under
investigation by a congressional committee?
BRAIN: [irritated, reaching out to fwap Pinky, but calms down] No, that is
only a trait of Presidents that are *elected* to office. Once I
control the Presidency, the supreme weapons power of the United
States that has been built up during the Cold War years will gain
me *total control of the world*!
PINKY: Zounds, Brain, that's a great pl.. wait, no, no, it won't work.
How will you get people to visit your web site?
BRAIN: Already take care of, Pinky. I've used a small portion of the lab's
budget to place a luring yet indecipherable ad in every local newspaper.
[Brain pulls out a newspaper clipping containing the ad. It's a
black square, with the words "you *will* visit it" in the center, and
"www.brain.com" at the bottom in white.]
BRAIN: Marketing research shows that anyone that sees this ad will be
curious enough to visit my site, thus guaranteeing the spread of
the virus!
PINKY: Oh, joy! An excellent plan, Brain!
BRAIN: One of my better ones, even if I do say so myself.
PINKY: Just one small thing, Brain...when can I play on the computer?
POIT!
BRAIN: [ponders for a second] Hmm, I still need to attach the computer to
the internet. You may randomly pound on the keyboard while I do that.
PINKY: Goody, goody! [gets into the chair and starts 'fake typing'.
Random characters appear on the screen. Pinky starts humming a
modified version of the Typewrite theme (from "Temporary Insanity")]
BRAIN: [to himself] Simple minds, simple pleasures. [goes around back
and picks up a cord. He takes the cord to the other side of the cage,
and connects it to a wall socket.] YES! We are now part of the
glorious information superhighway!
[Cut to computer screen. Amongst the random characters, the phrase
'Welcome to the Internet, Enter Password:' appears.]
[Cut back to cage where Brain is approaching Pinky.]
BRAIN: Ok, Pinky, that's enough. Let us begin to create this web site.
PINKY: [stopping his typing, looking a bit dejected] Oh, ok Brain. ZORT!
Let me just delete all of this mess.
[Cut to slow motion. Pinky's finger reaches for the delete key]
[Cut to a close shot of Brain's eyes, with the screen contents reflected
in them. A familiar sequence of symbols can be read backwards across the
eyeballs. His eyes grow huge as he recognizes the sequence.]
BRAIN: [drawn out due to the slow motion] PINKY, NO!
[Cut to Pinky's finger landing on the delete key]
[Cut to Brain in absolute fear]
BRAIN: NOOOOOOOOO!
[Cut back to normal speed. The computer begins to shake, and the monitor
begins to spit out weird lights. Pinky backs out of the chair and huddles
behind Brain.]
PINKY: Brain, is this a 'bad thing'?
BRAIN: Yes, this definitely qualifies as one.
[At that moment, fingers of electricity fly from the monitor and surround
the two. Their fur rises on on their heads, and they scream as the
electricity continues to flow. Then, as suddenly as it began, the fingers
withdraw into the screen, dragging the mice with them. The fingers disappear,
and the monitor and the rest of the computer returns to normal, with a
slight wisp of smoke coming from it.]
[Cut to the inside of Cyberspace. Pinky and Brain are flailing about,
still screaming. Brain recovers first, and grabs Pinky's ears to
call him down.]
BRAIN: Pinky, do you realize where we are?
PINKY: Um, the Mall of America?
BRAIN: No, Pinky! We've reached the ultimate frontier of mankind:
Cyberspace! The whole of mankind's knowledge throughout all time,
right at our fingertips!
PINKY: Golly, Brain...how did we get here?
BRAIN: It must have been the minute bug with the Penticle chip that I
read about. When the chip is used within a computer connected to
the internet, and a sequence of apparently random characters is
is typed, follow by the delete key, then the bug was initiated.
Of course, the chance of actually typing that sequence was more
than 500 million to one, but your,...um...special talent must've
beaten the odds.
PINKY: [apologetically] Oh, gee, Brain...I'm sorry! I didn't mean to!
BRAIN: No matter, Pinky. I see even better plans for world control now
that I am in Cyberspace. But first, we must wait to see where we
are going.
PINKY: What do you mean?
BRAIN: [gesturing] See for yourself, Pinky.
[Cut to POV from behind the two. A large sphere of light, fingertips
of energy lancing off the edges, approaches the two. It suddenly
engulfs them.]
[Cut to inside the sphere. Once again, the two mice are in the
middle of an electrical field, and both are in some pain. Cut to
focus on Pinky as more and more fingers of electricity begin to
accumulate around him. Suddenly, a disc of light appears centered on
Pinky, quickly grows to the fill the view, then disappears as
quickly as it came, leaving us with Pinky, now dressed in a
red skin-tight outfit, with a "P!" emblazed on the front. Pinky's
skin/fur is now blue, and he has a enormous tuff of black hair with
a white, lightning-bolt-like streak running through it. Pinky is
now giddy with laughter!]
PINKY: ZORT!! Look at me, Brain! I'm Pinkazoid! ZOOM! ZOOM! Hahaha!
NARF!
[Pinky suddenly reverts into a lightning bolt, and goes speeding off all
around]
[Pan to Brain, who has been staring in disbelieve, when suddenly
the fingers of electricity approach him as with Pinky.]
BRAIN: [recognizing what is happening, slowing developing an Evil Grin
(TM)] YES! Ultimate power!
[The electricity rises to a point....then suddenly dies away, leaving
Brain alone. Two fingers of electricity form outlines of human hands,
both poised in a 'thumbs-down' arrangement. They then retreat as well.]
BRAIN: [shouting at the electricity] Hey, come back here!
[A finger of electricity reapproaches Brain, with a piece of paper in
its grip. Brain snatches the paper and reads it over quickly. He then
calms down.]
BRAIN: Oh, I see. Well, thank you anyway.
[The finger seems to wave at Brain, then backs away.]
[Pinkazoid suddenly appears next to Brain.]
PINKY: Oh, this is the most wonderful thing in the world, Brain. ZORT!
[notices Brain is still Brain] Hey, what happened to you?
BRAIN: [hands Pinky the paper] Read for yourself, Pinky.
PINKY: [takes the paper and reads it out loud] "Sorry, Brain, but you
already have the whole of mankind's knowledge, and we can't do
anything." But what does it mean, Brain?
BRAIN: It means I'm too smart to be transformed. [ponders] Hmm, you
know, I believe I can formulate a new plan for world conquest
because of your transformation, Pinky. Are you pondering what I'm
pondering, Pinky?
PINKY: Well, I think so, Brain, but did this suit really have to be this
skin tight? I've gotten a bit chubby in the waist... [poking himself
in that area]
[Brain whops Pinky, but pulls his hand back in pain, with a bit of a
'Yow!'.]
BRAIN: [waving his hand to get rid of the pain] No, Pinky. We can use
your powers to gain respect from the world. Once we have that
respect, we can then turn *against* their respect, and use your powers
to take over the world. No one will expect the change, and thus,
no one will resist us! It cannot fail!
PINKY: Zounds, Brain! That's sounds like a great pl...oh, wait, no.
What if there was *another* superhero to stop me?
BRAIN: [polite laugh] Another superhero, Pinky? How many superhereos
do you know that already exist today?
PINKY: Well, let's see... there's the Caped Opossum...
BRAIN: [annoyed] Ok, Pinky, that's...
PINKY: [continuing on] And then there's Earthworm Jim...
BRAIN: [annoyed] Enough, Pinky!
PINKY: And then there's Fr....
BRAIN: [grabbing Pinky's ears, and pulling him down to his eye level]
Stop it, Pinky, or I shall have to hurt you. [releasing Pinky] Come,
let us leave Cyberspace for the moment and return to the lab.
[Cut to the cage. The monitor begins to act up again, and quickly
spits out Pinky (back to normal) and Brain. Another wisp of smoke
floats from the computer. Both recover from where they landed, although
short spurts of electricity are emitted from their bodies every so
often.]
PINKY: ZORT! Zounds, that was fun, Brain! Can we do it again?
BRAIN: [running his hand through the fur on his head to try to flatten it]
Not for a while, Pinky. I've had enough of this shock treatment for
tonight.
PINKY: [looking down and seeing that his costume is gone] Brain! What
happened to that cool outfit I had?!
BRAIN: [standing up, and walking around Pinky] Hmm, the effect seems to
have disappeared once we left Cyberspace. Let see if you can use one
of your 'powers', Pinky. Run to that beaker [gesturing to a beaker
on the far side of the lab] and back.
PINKY: Ok, Brain! [gets in a runners stance, readies himself a couple
times, then suddenly takes off....at a normal running pace.]
BRAIN: [As Pinky runs off] Hmm, I don't think he has super powers anymore.
[ponders for a while] We'll need to investigate how we can get back
those powers and what the extent of those powers are in order to
formulate a better scheme for taking over the world.
[Shortly after, Pinky returns back to the cage, panting quite a bit.]
PINKY: I.. [pant]...don't think...[pant]...it worked, Brain. [falls flat
on his face]
BRAIN: Obviously, Pinky. [helps Pinky back to his feet] We need to find
out how to activate your alter ego, Pinky.
PINKY: [recovering his breath still] An alter ego, Brain? I didn't even
know I had *an* ego in the first place! POIT!
BRAIN: [annoyed] Your secret identity, then.
PINKY: Oh, yeah! Hmm, how are we going to do that?
BRAIN: Research, Pinky. I believe you have a collection of cartoons
that we can examine?
PINKY: Yup, I've taped every single one! [as an aside] Oh, I just
adore those Warner siblings!
BRAIN: [ignoring this comment] Excellent, Pinky! To the VCR!
[Cut to later. Pinky and Brain are outside the cage, watching one
of the labs TV. Brain is feverishly taking notes, Pinky is eating
popcorn while watching. Currently, one of the Freakazoid shorts is
on the tube.]
PINKY: Go, Freakazoid! HAhahahahaha! POIT!
BRAIN: Enough, Pinky! [reaches for the off button on the TV] We now
have enough information that we should be able to find out the
abilities of your powers.
PINKY: [getting up and going to where Brain is standing.] Whatever you
say, Brain. But I do have one question.
BRAIN: I know I'm going to regret it, but go ahead and ask it, Pinky.
PINKY: Is what they said about the boats at Disneyland true?
[Brain fwaps Pinky with his pencil. Pinky wobbles around for a while.]
BRAIN: [ignoring Pinky] Now, the first thing we need to do is to figure out
how to release the Pinkazoid. Now, according to our [using
finger to indicated quotes] 'references', the words "Freak out!"
triggers the change.
PINKY: Errr, ok Brain. [struts a pose with his hand straight up above
him] FREAK OUT!
[A short pause]
PINKY: [retries the pose, less enthusiastic] Freak Out!
[Another short pause]
PINKY: [worried tone] Um, Freak out?
BRAIN: I do not believe it is working. Hmm, strange...
PINKY: Darn, that's a shame. I really wanted to be the Pinkazoid again.
NARF!
[Suddenly, Pinky's body stiffs, then violently shakes. Brain backs off
as Pinky transforms into the Pinkazoid!]
PINKY: [ecstatic] Oh, joy!
BRAIN: Excellent work, Pinky! By your own special little way, you've found
the key to unlocking the Pinkazoid!
PINKY: [started looking around for something] What key? Did I lose my
keyring or something? POIT!
[Suddenly, again, Pinky stiffens. Shortly, Pinky is left back to normal,
a bit dazed from the experience.]
PINKY: [shaking off the daze] Wot happened, Brain?
BRAIN: You turned back into Pinky, my friend. Apparently the words "NARF"
and "POIT" trigger the change. You'll need to be careful with your
vocabulary now, Pinky.
PINKY: Er, I'll try, Brain.
BRAIN: [shows his notes to Pinky] Now, I've made a list of powers that
you may have. We'll have to check them one by one, and then
we'll develop my plan for world conquest based on the results.
Shall we begin?
[Cut to much later, subtitle "Several Hours Later". Brain comes bounding
into shot, due to the fact that the tip of his tail is on fire. Pinky,
back in the form of Pinkazoid!, follows with a worried look. Brain races for
a thimble that is filled with water, and sticks his tail in it, causing a bit
of steam to be emitted]
PINKY: [apologetically] I'm sorry, Brain..I'll watch where I aim next time.
BRAIN: [taking his tail out of the water, and looks a bit downcast
when he sees it is still burnt] Well, I think we can mark down that you
have heat vision as well. [crosses to the notepad, and marks
a check on it.] Well, that completes the list. [scanning the
page] Hmmm, interesting.
PINKY: Wot's that, Brain? [tries to read the list]
BRAIN: It seems that your powers are the most odd combinations. You
have super speed, yet you can't fly. You have the ability to
freeze someone, or to burn them, yet you are still affected by
elemental forces. Strange.
PINKY: Oh...but you forgot my favorite one, Brain!
[Pinky turns around, and 'wags' his tail a couple times, then seems
to throw it across the room. The tail stretches all the way to a plate
of cheese on the far side of the room. The tail grabs a slice of
cheese, then retracts back to Pinky. With a deft movement, Pinky
makes his toss the cheese up in the air just before it returns to
normal so that the cheese lands in his hands. Pinky immediately
devours the cheese.]
BRAIN: [annoyed] Yes, we cannot forget the stretchable tail.
PINKY: [finishing off the cheese] Zounds, that was good. POIT!
[Suddenly, Pinky reverts to normal. He shakes his head quickly to
recover]
PINKY: [worried] Oops, I said it again, didn't I, Brain?
BRAIN: Yes, you did. However, the Pinkazoid is currently not needed.
I have devised our approach for taking over the world. First, we'll
monitor the police bands and the 24-hour news channel to keep informed
of the news. As you'll be a newcomer to the superhero scheme, we'll
need to get publicity while you are saving somebody or something.
Therefore, when a potential situation develops in the city, I'll
immediately call out to all the news stations. Between word of mouth
and public broadcast, we'll soon have the attention of the entire
country!
PINKY: Oh, very good, Br...wait, hold on here. Who's going to handle the
press? You know I don't work well in front of a camera. [blushing]
BRAIN: Not to fear, Pinky, for I will pose as [pulls out a costume from
behind him] FanBrain, your faithful sidekick and public relations agent!
[Yes, Brain's costume *is* a copy of FanBoy's costume, including the 'FB!'
logo on the chest of the outfit and the half-moon glasses. However, it does
fit *much* better on Brain than on FanBoy.]
PINKY: [feeling the fabric of Brain's outfit] Oooh, nice outfit, Brain.
When did you find time to make it?
BRAIN: [off handedly] Oh, I've picked up a bit of tailoring here and there.
[seriously] But enough of this! It is time we begin monitoring of
the airwaves!
[Cut to later, still in the lab. We can tell that it is night out. Brain
is sitting in front of a bank of dials and monitors, and is wearing a
headset as he continues to turn dials. Pinky is sleeping in a hammock
nearby, snoring loudly. During one of Pinky's more obnoxious snores, Brain
looks up, a bit irritated, and opens his mouth as if about to speak.]
[Suddenly, Brain seems intent on a certain frequency. He grabs a stub of
a pencil and writes down some info on a slip of paper. He then removes the
headset and rushes to Pinky.]
BRAIN: Pinky, wake up! We've got something!
PINKY: [yawning] Is it morning already? ZORT!
BRAIN: No, we've got a situation that requires your unique ability. Change
into the Pinkazoid! while I get changed. [moves off]
PINKY: [sitting up, still drowsy] Oh, ok, Brain. [unenthusiastically] Narf.
[he changes in the Pinkazoid, but is still tired] *YAWNNNN*
[Pinky gets up and goes to a thimble filled with water placed underneath
a small piece of a reflective material. He splashes a bit of water on his
face and tries to shake off the drowsiness, but just quite can't.]
[Brain reappears, dressed in his outfit.]
BRAIN: Ok, let's go!
PINKY: But, Brain, I'm still tired. Can't we let the police take care of
this one?
BRAIN: Not this time, Pinky. Get us to the corner of 5th and Main, post
haste!
PINKY: Oh, ok, Brain.
[Pinky takes Brain's hand, then suddenly speeds off as a lightning bolt]
[Cut to several scenes of Pinkazoid zipping by causing all sorts of havoc.]
[Cut to the Warners running from Ralph, accompanied by theme song. Suddenly,
Pinky zips by, catching the foursome in his wake. Slow pan to a nearby
wall, where the Warners and Ralph have been nearly plastered into it.
All have a look of utter amazement.]
YAKKO: Well, I'm impressed.
DOT: I think 'pressed' is *very* appropriate in this situation.
[Cut to Speedy Gonzoles, running at his 'normal' pace through the studios,
yelling "Undela! Undela!" [sp]. Suddenly, Pinkazoid! speeds by, flattening
Speedy into the pavement. As the dust dies down, Speedy gets up, and
dusts himself off]
SPEEDY: [in a very refined British accent] That's it! My contract says
that there would never be another mouse faster than me! I'm going to
see what Disney has to offer! [walks off screen]
[Cut to a mid city scene. A small crowd has gathered, watching a corner
store burn in a good-sized fire. Pinky zips in behind the crowd and stops.
Brain is still in Pinky's grip, but his fur is frozen in a wind-blown state,
and his tail is actually straight. Brain's expression is one of complete
fear.]
BRAIN: Y...y...you c...c...can l...l...let g...go of m...m...me, P....Pinky!
PINKY: [still tired] Oh, sorry Brain. [lets go of Brain's hand]
[Brain wanders a bit in a daze, then falls flat on his face. Pinky helps
Brain back up.]
PINKY: Are you ok, Brain?
BRAIN: [recovering] I believe I now know what a speeding bullet feels like.
Hmm, we'll have to work on your mode of travel at some point later, Pinky.
But for now, we need to put out this fire.
PINKY: Oh! I know! If we get a *big* glass, and place it over the building,
then the fire will go out by itself! ZORT!
BRAIN: Yes, but where are we going to find a glass that size at this time
of night?
PINKY: Oops, didn't think about that. Then how are we going to put it out?
BRAIN: Simple, Pinky. See that water tower up there? [points to a standard
metal tank on top of a neighboring building] All you have to do is to
lift it and pour it on top of the burning building.
PINKY: Oooo, good idea, Brain! How come I never think of these things?
BRAIN: [raising an eyebrow] The answer to that is self-explanatory, Pinky.
Now, you go to that tower and dump it, and I'll warm up the crowd.
PINKY: Ok, Brain!
[Pinky and Brain weave between the feet of the observers. Brain silently
motions to Pinky the location of the door of the building with the tower,
and Pinky nods and dashes inside.]
[Cut to inside the building, Pinky zips up the stairs and gets out onto
the roof. He looks around for a moment and then moves towards the
tower. He looks over the side of the building at the blazing fire. However
across the street, a bank clock catches Pinky's eye, displaying a time
of 3 am.]
PINKY: Three o'clock in the morning?! What was Brain thinking?! I need
my beauty sleep!
[Cut back to POV of the observers, who now see Pinky looking out over the
building]
OBS 1: Hey, who's that up there?
OBS 2: Is it a bird?
OBS 3: Is it a plane?
OBS 1: Is it a lab mouse, disguised as a superhero in an elaborate scheme
to take over the world?
[The other observers look at the first, who blushes and shugs off their
stares.]
BRAIN: No, it's Pinkazoid!
[The observers now look down at Brain.]
OBS 2: Pinkazoid? Who's that?
BRAIN: [nervously] Why, he's the greatest superhero that ever lived!
OBS 3: Even better than Superman?
BRAIN: [nervously] Um, yes, even better than Superman.
[Cut back to the roof. Pinky yawns again, then walks away from the roof.]
PINKY: [angrily] I don't care what Brain says, I'm going to take a nap right
now, otherwise, I'm going to be cranky tomorrow. ZOT!
[Pinky leans against one of the posts that hold the water tower up, and yawns
again, then tries to sleep against it. Suddenly, there is a creak, and
Pinky snaps to attention as a crack develops in the post. Pinky 'eeps' and
runs for cover as the entire tower begins to tip over. Cut to the observers
POV as the tower continues to fall and pours water all over the burning
building. The fire is extinguished with a loud hiss. The crowd goes
wild.]
CROWD: Hurray! Hurray for Pinkazoid!
[Cut back to roof, where Pinky cautiously looks over the edge to survey the
damage. The smoke and the hissing obscure his senses, so he can't hear
the crowd cheering.]
PINKY: Oh, Brain's not going to like this...
[Suddenly, the door to the roof slams open, and Brain, followed by a horde
of press people, rush onto the roof. Brain immediately moves to Pinky's
side.]
PRESS: [various timings] Pinkazoid! Pinkazoid, we've got a question for you!
Pinkazoid!
PINKY: [turning and apologizing to Brain] I'm really sorry, Brain, I didn't...
BRAIN: [stepping up to the press] I'm sorry, folks, but the Pinkazoid needs to
return back to his Lair of Loneliness to recover. There will be a
press conference in a few weeks which you'll all be invited to.
PRESS: [collective sigh] Awwwww.
PHOTOGRAPHER: Hey, how about a picture for tomorrow's paper?
BRAIN: Of course. [to Pinky, whispering] Excellent work, Pinky!
PINKY: Y...you mean, you're not mad at me?
BRAIN: Why should I be?
PINKY: Oh well, then...NARF!
PHOTOGRAPHER: Ok, say 'cheese'!
[Brain and Pinky pose for the photo, although Pinky still looking a bit tired.
The photographers flash goes off, and we cut to the front page of the next
day's paper, with the photo of the mice on the front, accompanied by the
headline "WHO IS PINKAZOID?". Dissolve from the paper to a shot of
Brain hanging a clipping from the paper with the same picture, headline and
text on one side of the cage, with Pinky (normal) looking on.]
BRAIN: Excellent! The press already loves us!
PINKY: So now what do we do, Brain?
BRAIN: We'll continue to perform these tasks, Pinky, until we have the
admiration of the entire world behind us. Then, when they least
expect it, we'll [Evil Grin (TM)] *take over the world*!
[This cues a rock variant of the Freakazoid theme song with a mix of
the Pinky and the Brain theme. The next several scenes are shown while
this music plays.]
[Cut to a shot of Pinkazoid rescuing a cat (Rita) from the tree. Brain
looks a bit wearily at the cat as Rita leers hungrily back at him. A flash
from a camera bulb, and a cut to a photo of Pinkazoid waving to the camera,
while Brain is half-engulfed by Rita. Headline: "Pinkazoid! Friend to Cats
Everywhere".]
[Cut to Pinkazoid, holding onto a rope, zips around in circles around some
ugly thugs robbing a bank. As the rope tightens around their ankles, they
toss up their sacks of money. Pinky and Brain walk in to pose in front of
the fallen criminals as soon as the thugs fall to the ground. As they pose,
a shadow falls over Brain. As Brain looks up, there is a flash of a
camera bulb, and the photo shows Pinky looking proud of himself, while
Brain's hand sticks out from a fallen sack of money. Headline: "Another
Daring Bank Robbery Foiled by Pinkazoid!".]
[Cut to the de facto-standard of a spinning magazine approaching the screen.
Several magazines and headlines appear (with appropriate pictures):
"Peephole" Pinkazoid! voted #1 personality in US!
"Newsleak" Pinkazoid! leads peace agreement in Mideast!
"Timed" Pinkazoid! saved planet from harm from Comet X901!
"The Squealer" FanBrain caught in love affair with Princess Di!
Music drops to a still audible volume, but soft enough to hear the dialog.
Cut to the White House, slow zoom in to a dissolve of President Clinton
shaking hands with the Pinkazoid! Hillary stands behind her husband, and
Brain stands near Pinky on a waist high table. Cameras stand about the
room.]
CLINTON: On behave of the people of the United States of America, I
want to thank you for fine service to the current, and I present
you with this plaque [takes it from Hillary who has handed it to him]
to show our appreciation]
PINKY: [taking the plaque] ZORT! Thanks, Mr. and Mrs. President!
[Brain whispers in Pinky's ear. Pinky nods and motions for the President
to get closer, which he does]
PINKY: [whispering] Does there happen to be cash reward for this?
CLINTON: [whispering] Actually, I was hoping you had a bit of money...we're
a bit short, heh heh!
PINKY: [pulling out the pockets (the suit had pockets??) to reveal nothing]
Nope, sorry.
HILLARY: Hey, you look familiar, FanBrain. Have we met?
BRAIN: [avoiding the question] Um, no, I don't think so.
HILLARY: No, I know we've met! We talked about dumping nuclear waste in your
country!
BRAIN: I'm sorry, I believe you have me mixed up with another mouse planning
world domination.
HILLARY: Oh, ok. Sorry about that.
[The music goes back to it initial volume. The President continues to shake
Pinky's hand. Dissolve back to the cage as the music fades off.
Brain is putting up yet another clipping on the nearly filled wall of the
cage (we can see the plaque that Clinton gave them also amoungst the clippings,
along with a few other medals and plaques. Freeze Frames will reveal that
most of the pictures show Brain in or approaching a state of pain, while
Pinky obliviously smiles to the photographer.
Pinky is at the computer, poking around on the keyboard unenthusiastically.]
BRAIN: [standing back to admire the wall] YES! We now have the complete trust
of the world! Now, we begin phase 2 of our plan for global conquest!
PINKY: [bored] But, Brain, I'm tired of being the Pinkazoid...I just want
to be good ol' Pinky again.
BRAIN: Pinky, I only need you for one more task, and then you'll never have
to be a superhero anymore.
PINKY: [a bit excited, but still downcast] ZOT! Really, Brain?
BRAIN: Yes, Pinky. For now, we must travel to Fort Knox, and take control
of the gold supply of the U.S.!
PINKY: [getting out of the orthopedic chair, having a bit of trouble] But
didn't we already try that once, Brain?
BRAIN: That is true, Pinky. However, we now have your fantastic strength
to help lift the gold. [walks to a blackboard covered with calculations]
By my figures, you should have sufficient strength to lift the entire
Fort Knox complex without difficulty, which we will then take to a
special hiding place in Canada. As soon as the government tries to
ask for its gold back, we'll demand that they give us complete control
of the U.S.A. From there, world domination is an easy step. This plan
cannot fail!
PINKY: [skeptical] Well, that sounds all good and all, but what's going to
stop the guards from stopping us.
BRAIN: Easy, Pinky. We'll tell them that there was a terrorist threat and that
we are simply moving the gold to a safe place.
PINKY: Oh, ok Brain. POIT! [suddenly, Pinky looks a bit ill]
BRAIN: Pinky, are you ok?
PINKY: [steading himself on the side of the cage] Oh, its just a bit of
indigestion, Brain. Too many cheese snacks...
[Pinky suddenly hiccups. The hiccup is best described as a cross between
Pinky's NARF and POIT. Because of this, we see Pinky change to the Pinkazoid]
BRAIN: Pinky! What are you doing?!
PINKY: Sorry, Brain...just a case of...[Pinky hiccups again, and changes back
to Pinky] the hiccups.
BRAIN: Hmm, interesting. Here, drink this [handing Pinky a thimble full of
water], and hold your breath. That should clear it up.
[Pinky follows Brain's instructions. Brain waits as Pinky holds his breath.]
BRAIN: [annoyed] You can breathe again, Pinky.
PINKY: [gasping for air, and panting] Sorry, Brain. [pause] Hey, that seemed
to work! Great idea, Brain!
BRAIN: Yes, but aren't they all. Come, Pinky. It is time to depart for Fort
Knox!
[Cut to an aerial view of Fort Knox, slow zoom in to dissolve to inside the
vault. Pinky (still normal) and Brain (dressed as FanBrain) are standing
inside. Brain's eyes are about as big as plates, and tears are in his eyes.]
BRAIN: [total admiration] It's ... sooo ... beautiful!
PINKY: [somewhat bored] So what do we do now ... [hiccup followed by a change]
... Brain [another hiccup and another change]
BRAIN: [snapping out of his trance, oblivious to Pinky's changes] Simply
change into the Pinkazoid, and dig underneath the value. Once you've
done that, just carry it out of here.
PINKY: Ok, Brain. [posing] NARF! [Pinky is transformed in the Pinkazoid!]
Here goes, Brain.
[Pinky hits the floor of the vault and starts digging with his hands. A
hole quickly develops and Pinky disappears from sight. Brain goes over to
the hole and looks down.]
BRAIN: [to Pinky in the hole] A bit deeper...a bit more....THERE! That
should be sufficient. Now just get a good grip and walk out of
there.
[There is a sudden jolt, and Brain (along with a few gold bars) drops to
the floor. Brain scampers up one of the stacks of gold to a window, and
we see the landscape moving. The vault tilts at about a 30 degree angle.]
BRAIN: [to himself] YES!
[Brain scampers back down the pile, and jumps through the hold Pinky fell
through. He walks back along the ground to where Pinky is carrying the
vault by one edge. Pinky is straining a bit, but not too much. Brain
walks backwards in front of Pinky.]
BRAIN: Excellent work, Pinky!
PINKY: [straining] This....vault's...a...bit...heavy, Brain! ZOT!
BRAIN: Of course, Pinky. Are you having any trouble carrying it?
PINKY: Oh, no, Brain. This is a great way to build up my mus...[suddenly,
Pinky's nose twitches]...ah....ah...
BRAIN: [scared] No, Pinky! You can't....[reaching for Pinky]
[Pinky hiccups, and changes back into Pinky. The vault immediately falls
onto Brain, shaking up the ground. Pinky hiccups again, and reverts back
to Pinkazoid! He immediately lifts the vault to reveal the flattened Brain
underneath it.]
PINKY: Oh, I'm soooo sorry, Brain...I tried to stop it [nose
twitches again]...it...ahhhh
BRAIN: [rolls his eyes] Oh, no...not again.
[Again, Pinky hiccups, and the vault crashes on Brain. Moments later,
Pinky hiccups again, and lifts the vault, revealing poor Brain, now
half-buried in the ground.]
BRAIN: [muffled] Don't say anything, Pinky. Just move the vault away and
help me out.
PINKY: Ok, Brain.
[Pinky walks a few inches forward, and drops the vault with a loud crash.
Pinky then takes Brain by the ears, and pulls him out of the ground.
Brain is still basically a pancake, so Pinky takes a deep breath, grabs
one of Brain's fingers, and blows into it to 'inflate' Brain.]
BRAIN: [recovering] I don't know whether to thank you or to hurt you,
Pinky.
PINKY: ZORT! I'm sorry, Brain!
[Suddenly, an armed militia appear around the two, guns aimed and ready to
fire]
GENERAL: [approaching the two] HALT! What in heck's name are you two doing?!
BRAIN: Well, we were simply moving the gold to a safe place, sir.
GENERAL: [angry] Under who's orders?!
BRAIN: Well, um...[nervously] the President just called us and asked us to
do it.
GENERAL: Oh, really now. [turning to another soldier] Captain, place these
two under arr....
[Before he can finish, there is a quick "zip" and Freakazoid! appears in
between the General and the mice.]
GENERAL: Freakazoid! Thank goodness you're here!
F!: Yes, I came as soon as I could...just after Cosgrove and I went to the
Boy Scout Jamborie! What seems to be the matter?
GENERAL: Well, look for yourself. These 'superheroes' seem to be trying
to steal Fort Knox.
F!: [looking at the mice] Hmmmmm [looks closer at Pinky] Hmmmmmmmm
[looks closer at Brain, lifting up one of the ears] Hmmm, very
interesting.
GENERAL: What is it, Freakazoid?
F!: Well, it appears that you don't have two superheroes here, you actually
have [bends down and rips Brain's costume off] two lab mice trying to
take over the world!
[There is a gasp from the soldiers. Dramatic chords (TM)]
BRAIN: [very nervous] No, we *are* really superheroes! You've got to
believe us!
GENERAL: QUIET! Captain, place these two fakes under arr...
[Freakzoid stops him before he can finish]
F!: [quietly, to the General] Actually, there are my sidekicks-in-training.
[matter-of-factly] You see, I'm trying to branch out...can't be every place
at once, you know. [back to a normal whisper] You just let me take care
of them, ok? I'll take care of the gold here after I'm done with them.
GENERAL: Oh, sure. Whatever you say, Freakazoid! Come on, men. Let's
get back to the base.
[The soldiers move off as Freakazoid waves goodbye. Pinky and Brain look on,
astonished.]
BRAIN: Well, um, gee...Thanks, Freakazoid! We'll just be going ...
F!: [shouting in their face] WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?! [pulls back up
and pulls a sheaf of papers from his back] My contract with
Warner Brothers *strictly* forbids them to have any other WB-owned
superhero while my show is still on the air
BRAIN: Well, we didn't know that....
F!: [ignoring Brain] And, here [gesturing to a page], Section 39-4A says
that if there *is* any attempt to create another WB superhero, I have
every right to discontinue that attempt. Therefore, Pinky, I'm going
to have Roddy pull your plug. [He snaps his fingers, and Pinky instantly
reverts back to normal Pinky.]
PINKY: Awwww...although I'm glad to see it go. NARF! [Pinky hiccups]
F!: Well, I'm glad that we've straightened that out. I'm glad we didn't
have to take this to court. Anyway, I've got to go, here's my card
[hands Brain a card], call me if you need me. [lifting the vault]
Toddle-loo!
[Freakazoid walks back off screen, carrying the vault away.]
BRAIN: [in thought] Well, that could've gone better.
PINKY: [happily and dancing] NARF NARF NARF! Lookit Brain! I'm no longer the
Pinkazoid! I'm back to normal Pinky! NARF NARF NARF [Pinky hiccups]
BRAIN: If you can call that normal. Come, Pinky. We must return to the
lab to plan for tomorrow night.
PINKY: Why, Brain [hiccup] what are we going to do [hiccup] tomorrow night?
BRAIN: Same thing we do every night, Pinky. [Evil Grin (TM)] Try to take
over the world!
[Pinky and Brain walk away as the theme songs plays out. "They're Dinky...
They're Pinky and the Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain " pause for a Pinky
hiccup "Brain"]
[Iris out]
==============================================================================
All characters are Copyright (C) Warner Brothers. The use of these
characters in this document is only for entertainment purposes and are not
meant for profit. If this is a problem, please contact the author to make
the necessary arrangements.
This document is Copyright (C) !996 Michael K. Neylon. This document
may be redistributed via any means as long as it remains intact and that
no money is charge for the document itself.